Thursday, February 25, 2010

Time's Top Ten Foods That KILL!!!!

Alright so apparently Time posted an article on the Top Ten Foods That Kill
Here is my take

1) Hot Dogs - apparently they are a huge choking hazard for kids. How about telling your kid to slow the hell down and chew their food OR being a good parent and chopping it into tiny pieces so the kid doesn't choke on a hot dog...hahaha. Sorry I know kids choking is not funny but I was thinking about a grown person walking up to the pearly gates and St. Peter saying "So I was looking over your file and it says Cause of Death was Hot dog..BAHAHAHA! PAUL! Get over here. This dude's cause of death was HOT DOG!"

2) Fugo (aka blowfish) - Three years of training just to cook it, a lethal dose of poison is as small as the head of a pin? Yeah, I think i am okay never eating Fugo. At least if you die it's cooler than saying you choked on a hot dog.

3) Ackee - I've never heard of this, but it looks like a tulip stuffed with banana and grapes.

4) Peanuts - well this is deadly for those allergic to peanuts. Sucks to be those folks (she says as she stuffs another Reeses Peanut Butter cup into her mouth)

5) Leafy Greens - FROM RESTAURANTS! Okay if you eat out just accept the fact that the people who touch your food probably touched his or her ass crack at one point during the day and didn't do a thorough washing of the hands

6) Rhubarb leaves - this is probably the most interesting so far. Consuming the leaves of rhubarb leaves is toxic! Crazy!

7) Albacore Tuna - I will avoid this when I am pregnant but as of right now keep it coming!

8) Cassava/Tapioca - I've always hated Tapico and I think it should be banned! I will openly preach against the use of tapioca and this just fuels my flame!!!!

9) Coffee - No. This is bullshit. It doesn't kill it burns the shit out of you if you spill it all over yourself. Here's how coffee really kills. You try giving it up and you're only on day one. Someone hassles you at work over and over again about some stupid budget that they need today but didn't tell you until this morning when you received the text on your iPhone on your way to work, and you stab them in with a pencil. That is how coffee kills.

10) Mushrooms - Clarification. Mushrooms that grow in the wild. Unless you are the man vs. wild guy why the hell are you eating these things? I mean, am I the only one who was told over and over while out and about in parks and what not never to eat the mushrooms?

Basically don't eat peanuts if you are allergic, stay away from ill prepared blowfish and don't eat wild mushrooms. Problem solved.


The Chocolate Puma said...

You forgot shrimp. Wait that's just deadly to me. Fuckin shellfish.

Alisha said...